Looking to get your kid a Division 1 scholarship? This is not that post.
Wondering how young is too young to start music lessons? Nope. This is not that post, either.
Curious to know how to support a child who is passionate and driven? Is your child someone who loves a sport, the stage, an instrument, or is just a plain old goal-getter? That, I might have some ideas for you.
I know what it’s like to live with a child with a BIG goal.
Backstory: When my daughter was a Daisy (the first level of Girl Scouts), she was introduced to cookie sales. Don’t worry, this was not her first introduction to cookies. I’d done my due diligence and provided her with Thin Mints back when she was a toddler!
But now she was the seller. Most six-year-olds don’t have strong phone skills, access to social media, a driver’s license, or knowledge of sales techniques.
Guess who does? Parents!
Naturally, cookie season coincided with my emergency gallbladder removal surgery. Parental support was limited. When cookie season ended, many boxes of cookies were returned, unsold.
At the end of the school year, there were awards for cookie sales. Awards can be incredible motivators for some kids. I watched my daughter receive a badge for selling cookies and a plastic bracelet. She smiled with pride. And then she saw the armful of awards the top seller in her troop received. It was at that moment that everything changed.
My daughter’s smile remained. It was a smile with a plan. A plan to be the top seller in the troop the following year.
Which she was. Again. And again. And again.
Last year at age 12, she announced she was going to sell 1000 boxes. The previous year she sold 750 boxes. 750 felt insurmountable. But she did it. When I heard the 1000 box goal, I bit my tongue and refrained from saying, “That is a ridiculously impossible goal.” But believe me, I thought it.
Instead, I asked her about her plan. Which she had already created. And we talked about setting high expectations, working hard, and how sometimes, despite all of that, she might not achieve her goal. She clearly understood. But, as she walked out of the room, she smiled and said, “I’ll get to 1000.”
Living in a cookie warehouse!
Determined. Goal-getter.
If you have one of those kids, remember no matter how hard your child works, you as a parent are part of the equation, too. Whether you’re paying league fees, “volunteering” your time at the swim meet, driving your child across the state, or sewing costumes, if your child is passionate about something, it can become the family’s focus, too, which has its ups and downs.
Whether it’s cookie sales, making varsity soccer, getting the lead in spring musical…
Here are some tips for living with a goal-getter:
- Have conversations about both success and failure. When goals are met, don’t just focus on the “win.” Talk about the steps that were taken to get there. When your child falls short of his/her goal, examine the process.
- If you are parenting with a partner, divide responsibilities. Don’t let your child’s goal become “your” job.
- While we all want to support our child, when it comes to travel for competition or multiple performance days, sometimes siblings need a break. Don’t make your child’s goal a “mandatory” event. Maybe one weekend the whole family attends the competition or performance, and the next weekend only one parent accompanies the child.
- Your other children don’t always have the same skill sets. When Kid A is a tennis phenom and Kid B has no eye-hand coordination, remember to help Kid B develop his/her own interests and passions.
- Remember even motivated, intensely-driven children need support and guidance.
- No matter how long your child has worked to achieve success on the stage or in a sport, there may come a time when he/she wants to stop. After years of parental involvement, sometimes it’s hard for moms and dads to quit. Remember whose goal it is.
