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Rochester Local

Back To School: When Firsts And Lasts Collide

back to school, firsts and lasts for my kids, when child goes back to school, first day of school, throwing away baby supplies, crayons, toddlers

It’s that time of year again! New school clothes, shopping lists, and meeting a new teacher. Or meeting several, depending on your family dynamics.

The “Back to School” season has always held infinitely more power for me than the New Years season-both in my own education and that of my children. Even without the up-all-night parties, ball drops, champagne, and Auld Lang Syne, “Back to School” season holds both overwhelming promise and also fear. I get both giddy and terrified in anticipation of what is to come. Maybe I’m a school nerd (good possibility,) because I actually enjoy this time of year, but hear me out.

Whereas January 1st is usually only negligibly different than December 31st, EVERYTHING changes when school starts again. There are new teachers, new groups of friends, and new information to learn. New connections to be made and new relationships to build.  The family has to adjust to a new schedule that accommodates everyone’s needs, generally including earlier bedtimes and mornings. We, as proud mamas, often take pictures of our kids on the first and last days of school because they change SO. MUCH. And though my kids’ birthdays may be far off, they feel a whole year older at the beginning of the school year. Everything is different. Promise and fear.

This year feels particularly powerful and bittersweet for me, as this seems to be our family’s year of both firsts and lasts.

We celebrate new beginnings as we delicately prepare to say goodbye to things now behind us. It is our first year as a family starting school in Rochester. Though both my husband and I were raised here, our children never expected to be in this place. We use the words we know to acknowledge their grief while looking forward to the future. Those words inevitably fall short, aching my mama heart.

It is our oldest child’s last year in elementary school. As I celebrate her accomplishments and anticipate the fun that fifth grade brings, I prepare to say goodbye to sanity as I know it. Goodbye childhood, hello hormones. Our middle child begins his first year of preschool this year. I am SO excited to see this precocious kid learn and grow. I can’t wait for all the handprint crafts. At the same time, I prepare for the ugly cry when he and his little BB8 backpack walk away from me. Firsts and lasts.

preschool art, handprint art, fingerpainting, first day of preschool, last baby in the family, first day of school

And our youngest child…at just four months old, this guy will continue to stay home with me when September comes. I am so looking forward to having a few hours alone with him each day, something both “big kids” had a lot of. But we expect that this little guy is our last little guy. I find myself finally getting rid of baby clothes and toys (and a plethora of other things) that I have held on to for years “just in case”. Because who doesn’t need extra postpartum mom-diapers? You know, besides hoarders like me. While I appreciate the free space in my bathroom closet (and the rest of the house), cleaning everything out feels so…final. We are solidly out of the “having kids” phase of life and solidly in the “raising kids” phase. There is nothing like having a 10-year age gap between kids to highlight how quickly time goes. Seriously…it flies.

I’m having all the feels this fall, mamas.

Maybe you are too. Maybe your family is wrestling with hellos and goodbyes alongside ours. Let’s stand together. In this season, may we contain our own emotions well enough to contain those of our children. May we adequately say goodbye to the past, so that we don’t miss the joy of what will be this year. And, in the less-than-perfect moments when our kiddo is throwing a tantrum, talking back, or keeping us up all night long, may we remember that there are just 940 Saturdays from birth until high school graduation. Then they’re off. That’s all we get.

God bless you, teachers. Not only for loving our kids well, but also for dealing with the emotional mamas like me. Those tissues on the school supply list are really for parents, right?

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