My oldest turns 15 this winter. I’m baffled at how quickly time passes. It feels like it wasn’t so long ago that he was cuddling on my lap, showering me with kisses – now he’s in high school. The conversations in our household have changed from legos and superheroes to school dances, band, and insurmountable piles of homework.
We’re also talking about driving.
Once I started explaining some of the basics of driving to Noah when he was in the passenger seat, I realized that I needed to clean up my act. How can I teach him to be a calm, patient driver when I’m literally the worst version of myself behind the wheel? I also started commuting to St Paul two days a week during the work week and I have noticed the change in my demeanor when I sit in traffic. I’m annoyed, short-tempered, and nothing like myself.
I feel myself bristle when others drive aggressively. I keep my shoulders tight, my jaw clenched. My hands grip the wheel for dear life. A scowl is etched on my face. Words that I usually wouldn’t dream of saying out loud in front of my kids spill out before I can stop myself. I bang on the steering wheel if I have to slam on my brakes and stop at a light. Can you see why I have a hard time explaining to my kids that I actually love driving? I usually explain it away by saying “I like to drive, I just don’t like the other people that are driving on the road at the same time as me.”
I know I’m not the only person that turns into my worst self while driving. I see people honk, tailgate, give the finger to complete strangers. I’ve even seen viral videos floating around on the internet of dash cam footage of drivers getting in physical altercations over driving. I think it’s just crazy that people can get so upset over driving.
I remember reading some of Glennon Doyle’s work and she had a saying like There is no different you on the internet. If you’re not nice on the internet, then you’re not nice. I think this translates to driving, too. If you’re not nice while driving, then you’re not nice. There’s no different you that gets behind the wheel. What kind of example are we setting? I know my kids are watching – especially my oldest, because he’s trying to learn the ins and outs of all the driving laws and courtesies.
I keep reminding myself – and my son – that we don’t know everyone’s story. A while back, I was driving my son to daycare before work and this car in front of me was driving like they were the most important person on the planet. They were cutting people off, swerving between lanes, and passing people on the shoulder to take an exit. I ended up behind them again at the stoplight (so they literally saved themselves zero seconds driving like that, but that’s besides the point). Once we got into the neighborhood where I was going to drop off my son, I saw the same car pull up to a neighboring house that had an ambulance out front, and paramedics were wheeling someone out of the house on a stretcher. Here I thought this driver was being a total jerk, but in all reality they were responding to a family emergency. And I was saying every substitute swear word in the book at them, shaking my fist.
I keep telling my son that the only car on the road he can control is his own. Other drivers may be rude, and they might drive like donkeys, but they’re not our concern and there’s no sense getting upset over it. All we can do is be respectful, responsible drivers, and let situations roll off our backs instead of getting in an emotionally charged road rage duel with another driver.
I’ve slowed down my driving. I no longer drive 9 MPH over the speed limit at all times (you know, fast enough that I feel like I’m getting where I’m going faster, but not really fast enough that I’m the worst on the road). I set my cruise and listen to music or a podcast and let myself relax. I take a deep breath instead of blow a fuse when other’s drive poorly.
Once I’m in the passenger seat and my oldest is driving, though, I’m probably going to need to be reminded of breathing techniques, mindfulness meditation, and I’ll have a stash of candy in the glove box so I can just eat chocolate and keep my mouth shut. And I will not use the imaginary break in the passenger seat.
Mamas that have gone through Driver’s Ed, leave a comment letting me know how you got through it without becoming an emotional, aggravated mess, please!
