But Will I Be Lonely Without A Girl? – A Boymom’s Question

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3 boysMy husband and I have three boys and we wouldn’t change it for the world.  My boys are crazy and dirty, high-energy and fun, but also snuggly, sweet, emotional, and so funny.  They are obsessed with poop and farts and LOVE playing in the mud and on the dirt pile behind our house.  They always ask to ride bikes and they play monsters with their friends a lot. There hasn’t been one thing I haven’t absolutely loved about being a boymom. But sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like to have a girl…

We were so excited when we learned that our first baby was going to be a boy, back in 2015.  Then 21 months later, we weren’t disappointed in the least when we had another boy.  When it finally came time to have our third child, people often asked if we were hoping for a girl this time.  But truthfully, we were relieved to find out it was another sweet and rambunctious boy to add to our family.  When I was pregnant, I often wondered if I would even know what to do with a girl.  I know it was mostly just fear of the unknown.  If any of our kids had been girls, we would of learned how to take care of them and loved every minute of it.  But now, when I get asked if I am disappointed about having all boys, my answer is always a resounding, “No!”  I haven’t ever had a deep longing to have a girl.  I don’t remember dreaming as a child about the day I would have a girl of my own.  So even with our three boys, I wasn’t sad about what I was missing out on… until recently.

I have recently started thinking about my future.  What will my boys look like 10-15 years from now?  I wondered if I would regret not having a girl when my boys are fully grown and we have less in common.  Will I wish I had a girl to go shopping with?  Will I be sad about not getting our nails done and having deep heart-felt conversations?  How will it look when my boys go to have babies?  Will they still need me around to help?  As these questions piled up, I reached out to my friend, fellow boymom (whose boys are amazing adults now) and Rochester Mom contributor Jodie Meurer.  Her responses gave me such reassurance and were simply too good to keep to myself.

Here is a recount of our messages:

Me: Hi Jodie! I have a boy mom question: Lately I have been thinking about what it will be like when the boys are grown. At one point someone said that having a girl is like giving birth to a best friend. Would you say that is the same for boys? Do you feel like that is also true with your boys? I guess I’ve been wondering if I’ll feel left out and lonely when the boys are adults and we don’t have anything in common and they don’t need me anymore.

Jodie: Oh my gosh Heather! What a wonderful question! I can say with absolute confidence and certainty that my role as a #boymom is my greatest joy! Before I had boys I thought the very same thing. And now? They’re amazing. I feel protected. I feel safe. I’m like the little woman (literally since they’re both over 6 feet tall!) Seeing “my boys” grow over the years and evolve into young men has not left me thinking about daughters in any way. In fact, I’ve more than once thanked the Lord for having better sense than me! Who needs more girl hormones? The boys may have had disagreements with their friends, but they never lasted! The biggest friend drama we had came from girlfriends! Speaking of girlfriends, I’ve developed good friendships with girls who were their friends (and girlfriends) so any girl fixes were accomplished by sharing meals and fun activities with them!
They’ll ALWAYS need you! They’ll come to you for advice and they’ll pat your head and tell you you’re pretty and when they wrap you up in a hug you’ll feel like you’re safe and home. They’ll dance with you in the kitchen as long as you’ll try, their friends will call you Mama J… ok, maybe not that. But you have an awesome future as a #boymom ahead of you, so lean into it! It is going to be ah.maz.ing!!!!

I hope Jodie’s words help any other boymoms out there with the same questions that I had.  Her words were just what I needed, and reminded me why I feel so blessed to be called a #boymom.
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Heather Plizga
Things Heather loves: blue skies, green grass, trees rustling in the wind. Heather is a country girl through and through. She grew up on 10 acres of rolling countryside in SE Iowa. Over their 7 years of marriage, Heather and her husband (Ted) have lived in 3 different states. But Heather grew tired of the big, grey city so, in 2013, they moved to Rochester (Ted’s hometown) for some green Minnesota living. Fast forward a few short years and she now has two bustling boys – Everett (3) and Judah (14mos). Heather also loves food. Full disclosure - she eats ice cream nightly! She is a registered dietitian and is passionate about how she feeds her family. In order to stay home with her boys, only a year ago she became a licensed family childcare provider. She feeds her daycare family with the same enthusiasm. Her goal is to provide readers with practical tools so they may also feed their families well. !

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