Our family influences and shapes our future in a powerful way. They teach us to love, navigate challenges, manage responsibility; and for the most part, we’re drawn to our family as we become parents. Over the years, I’ve learned that it takes a village to raise a child.
As I started to navigate parenthood, I realized just how much my previously independent personality needed the touch of family. I’ve lived away from my family for almost 13 years now. My husband’s first permanent change of station came soon after the birth of our first child. We moved from Texas to Arizona, and soon after that, came the deployments.
I tried to keep us busy while daddy was away, but the days would drag on. We were slowly making friends but I missed and yearned for the genuine comfort of family. Not only did I miss them, I felt lonely and like we were missing out on important connections.
Military life was hard. You’d make good friends only for them to leave soon after. Over time, I thought the hardships of loneliness contributed to my strength and resilience. “We can do this on our own,” my husband and I would say.
After 8 years in the military, my husband decided to honorably discharge. We took our positive, hopeful attitude with us as we moved to my husband’s hometown. I would have loved to move back to Texas where we would have been surrounded by family and have the support we needed, but we had a place ready and waiting for us in Minnesota.
We were now living a simple, quiet country life. At times, a bit too quiet. Being far from family, neighbors, and town took a while to get used to. The winters were especially isolating since it was hard to leave home sometimes.
The loneliness was manageable as I started making friends. However, as I had more kids, I ventured out less. My husband, now a veteran, was sorting through hard feelings. We were encountering deaths in the family and other hardships. All the energy we had went into holding each other up. At this point, I realized that we really needed support.
I became envious of other moms who got to have “girls night out” with their sisters, or could take a quick drive to see grandparents, or eat lunch with their mom and dad. I would think to myself, “I have sisters; they’re pretty awesome too and would be here for me anytime.” or “My parents are the kindest, most loving people I know and I wish they could’ve made it to the birth of my last two children.” I wondered if my family still really knew me and if I still knew them?
As our difficult times passed, the envy and resentment that I carried slowly lifted. Of course my family still knew me. I now acknowledge, that even from a distance, they have been here for us. They love and cherish my family just as if we were closer. We get to see my family for Christmas. We get to call and text them anytime. I often think of the quote, “Family: like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one.”
With love and support, we now enjoy a peaceful life here. It was a hard lesson, but my husband and I learned to reach out to those we trust when we need help. After all everyone is only a phone call (or FaceTime, for you up-to-date mamas) away.
