We all have been there, or most of us have. You are moving somewhere, starting a new job, attending a new play group or joining a church group. There are so many fun and interesting women you want to forge friendships with. Women who have children the same age as yours or women you think would be excellent friends. But then you hear it and see it, photos of their “mommy tribe,” “besties,” or whatever is the new term for mommy clique.
Cliques are just a thing of high school, right?
No. That’s not true at all. I have experienced cliques in college, work, social groups and at church. I have been guilty of being in them and even leading some. However, these cliques can stunt our growth as mothers. We want our children to be inclusive people, people who show outsiders love and invite them into their play circles. You and I need to be this example. Let’s extend invites and open our circles (literally and metaphorically) to newcomers in our communities. Every one of us will have close friends, with whom we share intimate details of life. They will be the ones we go to when our children or families are in great need of love and care, but we can’t become stagnant just because we are comfortable. We have to show our children what it means to love and care for those we don’t have close relationships with. If we aren’t modeling new friendship- building skills for our children, how will they become kind, inclusive teens?
Of course, I’m coming from the perspective of being a newer resident to the Rochester area. It’s a very tight-knit community, where people show great pride in being lifelong residents. Rochester folks love to host visitors from all over the world. But as moms, we need to also host our new residents and let them IN to our circles. It made a world of difference when I moved here when people started including me in their friend groups.
Here a few practical tips for being inclusive moms:
- Talk to more than just your friends at playgrounds, play groups and church events. If you notice someone who isn’t in your “circle,” open the group up, and include them in the conversation.
- Actively seek out those who look alone.
- Say an encouraging word to a new mom or a mom who is new to the area. See if they have connections, and help them with ways to get connected.
- Open up your heart and home. So cheesy, but you never know when you will meet a new friends that will last a lifetime.
- Don’t be “set” with friends. We are never too old to add new moms to our friend group.
Being a mom is tough, and every mom should have the opportunity to share life with other friends.
It’s important that we are always open to expanding our friendships and making room for new moms. Motherhood is hard, and mommy cliques often help ease the stress of motherhood. However, we can never call these groups complete; we should always be willing to let other moms in our circle. I am forever grateful to the friends I have here who were willing to let me into their groups. And I hope to always be a mom who is open to forging new friendships. It’s a model I want my daughters to see and emulate.
