fbpx
Rochester Local

Like Keeping Your House Clean…Marriage Takes Twerk!

Having three kids, a husband, and a business in my home makes for a mess *sometimes (*all the time). When you add meal prepping, toys everywhere, art projects, hosting a dinner for friends, or trying to get around to folding that ever-present load of laundry, life can be messy.

One thing I have learned that actually works is if I tidy up for a few minutes a day, either early in the morning or in the evening before going to bed. For instance, this morning, I blocked out 45 minutes to clean my house. I simply put things away, swept, wiped down surfaces, and generally tidied up my home. When I apply this regimen in to my life on a daily basis, my house doesn’t overwhelm me.

MARRIAGE IS JUST LIKE KEEPING A HOUSE A CLEAN. If we invest a little time every day to do some maintenance, then it isn’t as overwhelming to clean, fix, or tune up. It is like a car, we want to avoid every blinking light blaring at us, or even worse, being stalled on the road with our car broken. Do the maintenance.

Being married for over 12 years now, I have learned a few things that work for my marriage. Here are some “daily clean up” tactics that work for us:

Flirt Texting 

My marriage is filled with lots of texts. Necessary/boring texts like: who is doing kid pick up? Can you stop at the grocery store? Did you get this? etc.

But I am talking about being intentional in keeping the love alive during the day. My husband and I have a blast with our ridiculous GIF conversations.

Give compliments. Thank your partner for something they did. Tell them you miss them. Plan for your night (!)

Check in with each other EVERY day.

For us this is a non-negotiable. I know life is so stressful and busy-that’s what makes this even more important. Maybe you work opposite hours, or have a long commute. Add to that having (several) kids and its easy to lose touch with your person.

Figure out what works for you. Be flexible. Evaluate what works for this day/week/season of life.

One thing I look forward to is connecting once our kids are in bed. It can be about the mundane, the deep stuff, or just the highs and lows of our day. Some couples love early mornings and set their alarms to work out together, or sip coffee before the crazy happens. Whatever you do find the time.

Serve each other… without expectation.

This is everything. GIVE 100% because you believe in your spouse. It is not 50 / 50. It is 100/ 100. When my husband shovels and salts our concrete for us before I have to leave-game changer. Pick up the slack for each other when one is ill/tired/having a hard time. If I am slammed with work, and he helps with errands, dinner prep, homework for our daughter, bath night-the atmosphere in our home is different. We aren’t tallying up who is doing more, or fighting about it not being our “job” to do a task. Instead, we are grateful and thankful for the help we received.

Sit together.

This should be easy. But, the reality is it can take work and you may need to retrain your habits. If you would have told 21 year old Christy that she could go a long time without cuddling Andy, I would have laughed. The truth is, it is easy to fall into the habit of sitting far apart or each taking a couch. Go out of your way. If you are watching a movie together or with your kids, cuddle each other like you cuddle your kids. That leads me to the next one:

Touch each other.

Sit on the same couch. Hold hands in the car. Rub each other’s shoulders. Cuddle in bed for a few minutes before closing your eyes. Give each other a hug that lasts more than 5 seconds. Touch is powerful. It can breakthrough bitterness, resistance and distance.

Have sex on a regular basis. 

I don’t need to explain this one. But, people. This is sooooo important. My husband and I have had our seasons of little intimacy. I think we under-estimate the value it brings to our relationship and life. It is not JUST sex. It is so much more than that. It makes us vulnerable. It decreases stress. It is intimate for many reasons, and we deserve this gift. Remain intimate. Schedule it. Make it happen. And whatever you do-don’t use it to punish your spouse for other things.

PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN.

Technology is part of our world and part of our livelihood in many cases. Facebook. Instagram. Email. etc. Put your stupid phone down and let it be. Revolutionary, I know. But, LIFE CHANGING. Invest in the people in your actual home.

Pray together. 

This can be as intimate as other things for me. Hearing my husband pray over me is one of the most beautiful things in this world. I feel safe, loved, and cared for. If you have never prayed for each other, or it scares you do say it out loud, write out your prayer. Read it to your person. It doesn’t need to be fancy or poetic. Heartfelt words are all that matters.

Have you found other things to maintain a healthy marriage? Please share, we would love to hear!

 

Related posts

Celebrating Mixed-Race Couples on Loving Day!

Shari

Target Date Night: What it is and Why We Love it

Becky Montpetit

Seeking Discomfort

Heather Walsh