“I constantly feel like I am never doing enough. I constantly feel like I am treading water and just getting by as a person and as a wife. What do I do? I want to find peace!”
Dear Reader,
Thank you for your vulnerability, honesty, and courage to ask such a beautifully human question.
Motherhood is a complex experience. The transition from being single…to being a couple… to having little people in your life who require daily care can feel overwhelming.
It is natural to have moments of personal doubt: times in your life when you feel like you are not enough. After all, you are just one person, and it is a big world. You have limits. A human body can only do so much in a day. Minds need space to rest and breath.
So, take a deep breath and let’s look at three ways to start finding the peace you seek.
Listening to Your Brain: Perhaps it isn’t that you are failing to keep up as a wife and mother. It could be your mind and body are communicating a need to you.
Take a moment to listen to your brain and your body.
When your brain is informing you “You are not doing enough,” coupled with the feeling of “treading water” it could mean you are experiencing depression or anxiety. Here are two links if you want to screen yourself for anxiety or depression.
If you have more questions about brain health, you can talk with a mental health professional or your family doctor. Or feel free to contact me.
This may not ring true with you, but as a mental health professional, part of my job is keeping people safe. So, if you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or another, go to the nearest emergency room. Their professional staff can start the process of helping you feel healthy and whole again.
Understanding Your Past: Sometimes a person can feel inadequate because present situations are reminiscent of painful past experiences. To find peace in the present, it can be helpful to make peace with your past. The past wants to be restored, not forgotten. Learning to understand and validate your past is one way to find peace in the present. Here is an article to get you started on the path of understanding your past and how past shame can influence present thinking. Understanding Your Past
Learning to love yourself well is a stepping-stone to loving others well: Another avenue to peace is creating time for you. Caring for your needs is mentally and physically beneficial and is one of the best ways to love others. Feelings of inadequacies and exhaustion can stem from neglecting your needs. It is good to take time to indulge in the art of being you.
If you need a little help self-care help, here is a link to the Top 10 Ways to Lift Your Self-Esteem to get you started. SELF CARE
I dearly hope you find the peace you seek.
Allison Loftus LPC
