The first time someone commented on my baby’s size was just six weeks after she was born.
“How cute is she! She must be, what? Three months?” the lady asked upon gazing at my daughter in her car seat.
“Six weeks!” I said, beaming proudly.
“Oh wow, really?” she remarked in shock,” Six weeks? Only? She’s huge!”
I looked at her in disbelief. Disgust and anger flashed through my mind.
Here was my baby, six weeks young, and her appearance was already being judged by someone she didn’t know. It flabbergasted and saddened me simultaneously.
This woman making these remarks didn’t know the struggles we endured the first few days after my daughter was born trying to get her to eat and have her gain weight so she wouldn’t have to be admitted to the hospital because she was jaundiced. She didn’t know the many tear-filled moments we spent attempting breastfeeding and how long it took both me and her to become comfortable with it. She doesn’t know the pride I feel inside that I was able to overcome the feelings of self-doubt and failure I experienced while attempting to feed my child. None of that mattered to this stranger as she commented not once, but multiple times, at how big my baby was for being only six weeks.
I wish I could say that was the last comment we received on my daughter’s size, but sadly, it was not. Multiple times over the past four months, strangers have approached us because, well, she’s a baby. They acknowledge her cuteness, ask how old she is, then proceed to make some remark about how surprised they are at how big she is. “What a fat baby!” I’ve heard several times. “Wow, she’s only that young and is already that big?” they ask quizzically.
Tell me, would a decent human being go up to an adult stranger and exclaim, “Wow, what a fat adult you are!”? I highly doubt it. So why do people think it’s okay to say it to babies and their parents?
And her being too big is not the only type of comment we receive. Just recently on an outing, a lady told us that she wasn’t big enough, that we needed to feed her more. This was moments after a gentleman’s jaw dropped in awe because according to him, our daughter was too big for her age.
If that doesn’t mess with a new mom’s mind, I don’t know what will.
Because we live in the society that we do, my daughter will undoubtedly face countless criticisms about her appearance for the rest of her life. It saddens me to see that it has already started. Baby body shaming is a very real thing. After giving birth, I was expecting to receive comments about my weight because of that well-known pressure to lose the pregnancy weight. Never did I think those comments would be directed at my infant daughter.
Okay. “I have a big baby” or “I have a small baby.” Unless you’re a pediatrician and worried about her health (which her pediatrician is not), please keep opinions about her size to yourself. Instead, comment on how alert she is when she’s awake, or how well she’s able to reach out and grab things, or ask me what books we read before bedtime, or what her favorite toys are. In fact, next time you approach a baby, please make a conscious effort to comment on something other than his or her size.
It took a lot for us to get my daughter to where she currently is, and frankly, I’m proud of it! I don’t need brusque comments to undermine that.
