When I was 21 years old, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This wasn’t a huge shock to me, as I’ve had claustrophobia for as long as I can remember and have always been a “worry wart.” So it wasn’t a surprise to me when one of our children started experiencing anxiety at an early age.
Naively, I thought that having anxiety myself would make it easier to help my child. Unfortunately, this isn’t true.
Your child’s fears are based on irrational thinking and feelings that seem very real to them. When your heart is racing, your hands and feet are numb and everything inside your body is telling you to run, it is hard to believe there is not a real danger. Trying to help another person (or yourself) realize that the fear they are experiencing isn’t real is ridiculously hard.
Through trial and error, lots of love and grace, this is what having a child with anxiety has taught me.
Seek out professional help.
Anxiety is a mental illness. This is not something your child can just “get over” or “stop thinking about.” You would not tell someone with diabetes that it’s all in their head or that it’s not real. The same goes for mental illness and anxiety disorder. This usually requires professional help and sometimes medication. Ask your child’s physician for a recommendation of a Social Worker, Counselor, Psychologist, or Psychiatrist. When you do find help, don’t be afraid to find someone else, if you or your child aren’t comfortable with the treatment plan. Keep seeking help until you find someone you both feel comfortable with. Word of mouth is a great way to find help. I asked for recommendations on Facebook recently and received a ton of feedback!
Advocate for your child.
You know your child best. When they are little, they need you to lead the way. Talk with teachers, coaches, friend’s parents, relatives, and let them know your child has anxiety. It’s often hard for your child when they are little to put into words when they are struggling with anxiety.
Support is HUGE!
For both the parent and child. I am so thankful or friends who know our anxiety struggles and are there to offer hugs, prayers, and words of encouragement. For my child or anyone struggling with anxiety, having someone you can trust, even if they don’t understand is helpful when you are experiencing anxiety. The best response is compassion, a hug, listening ear or even just saying “I’m sorry, that sucks.” You don’t need to understand or have all the answers, just be there.
Take Care of Yourself!
Anxiety is exhausting; your body is on high alert and using a lot of energy. Helping someone who is struggling with anxiety is also very tiring. Take a walk, go out with friends, read a book for fun, or take a bath. As moms, we need to be on top of our game so we can help take care of our anxious child.
Diet & Exercise are Important!
Sugar and caffeine are the anxious mind’s worst enemies. Try to limit both of these as much as possible in your child’s diet. We should be limiting our intake of sugar and caffeine anyway, but it’s even more important when you have anxiety. Exercise is great for increasing endorphins and also helps get all the nervous energy out.
Figure out the triggers.
For my child, being late is terrifying and causes great anxiety; everyone will look at you as you walk into a room. Now that we understand this, we leave the house early so that we aren’t rushed or running late. Arriving early gives time for adjusting to the environment and getting settled. Even if it’s not a “new” environment, there may still be anxiety. Studying your child and learning what causes or increases their anxiety is so helpful! This doesn’t mean you eliminate the anxiety, but you can help them navigate situations that cause anxiety.
Create Safe Places.
Having someone who knows about your anxiety is very helpful. Having somewhere you can go while having anxiety or panic attacks is even more helpful. My child often deals with anxiety while at school. Talking with teachers and staff at school has been crucial. The school has guidance counselors on staff to help you and your child. The school nurse, secretaries, and teachers have also been very supportive and caring. This has helped us a ton, so that my child doesn’t want to flee but can work through their anxiety, knowing they have a place to go and a person who knows what is going on and can help them.
Encouragement.
Sometimes your child just needs to be reminded that anxiety does not define them and they are much more than that! Offer words of encouragement, find hobbies or activities that they love, and just have FUN instead of focusing on the anxiety. Anxiety often comes with shame. Remind your child that many people have mental illness; just because they can’t see it, doesn’t mean people don’t have it. They are not alone.
GRACE!
Unfortunately, I still don’t always respond in the best way when my child is dealing with anxiety. I get frustrated and upset; I hate seeing my child struggle with fear and anxiety. Grace for my child and myself when we are in tough situations is so needed. I know how much of a struggle anxiety is, and I know it’s hard for my child as well. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that this is more than just worrying too much; this is a real illness, and it’s tough. We will have some rough days, but we will also have some great days celebrating victories or even just a “normal” day without too much anxiety.
This journey of anxiety with my child has spanned over 10 years now, and I’m sure I will learn many more lessons along the way. I hope that I am a more compassionate person with other people, no matter their struggle and that in sharing our story, we will be able to help others in some small way.
Here are a few books and an article we have found helpful on our anxiety journey.
What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide To Overcoming Anxiety by Dawn Huebner
My Anxious Mind A Teen’s Guide to Managing Anxiety and Panic by Michael Tompkins
An article on Fear by Henry Cloud written for Momsense Magazine
