My baby sister just became a new Mom, and with that comes so much excitement. My middle sister and I have been moms 10 years and 5 years respectively, so we are excited to welcome her to the mommy club! Being the big sister, I can’t help give advice and tips. My sister just had her baby two weeks ago, so she is still very much in the newborn haze. She messages me daily questions like “Did you get sweaty at night too?” and “Why do I cry all. the. time.?” I constantly found myself saying “Oh yeah, I remember that! Yeah, that’s totally normal!” And sometimes, that’s all you need to hear. You are not crazy. You are not the only one who feels like this.
If you’re a new mom, you’re totally normal if:
You feel completely crazy.
One minute I felt empowered to shower! Or do the dishes! The next I was sobbing over the sink and not understanding why those dishes were there or how they will ever be clean again.
You cry for no apparent reason.
I remember holding Jack, my first son, and just crying. And then I would think “Why am I crying?? Maybe it’s because I love him so much. Maybe I’m not so crazy.” But honestly, I think it was just one word: Hormones.
You feel guilty.
My sister said to me, “It’s just exhausting. And then I feel bad and tell myself he’s going to change and grow up so quick.” I said, “Welcome to mom guilt.” A battle to fight every day.
You don’t want to do this.
I think any Mom would admit there are moments when you just don’t want to do any of it. It’s hard. Possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But there are also moments that I feel so much love that I cannot begin to imagine my life without them. That is what makes up for it.
You don’t bond with your baby right away.
I knew I loved Jack, but I didn’t immediately bond with him because I didn’t know him yet! I needed time to get to know him. How did he like to be held? How often was he hungry? How do I console him? Those things took time to figure out. The longer he and I spent time together, the more bonded I felt to him.
You don’t want any more kids.
Duh. If you have a new baby, of course you don’t think you want any more! I remember telling friends of mine after I had Jack, I thought he would be our only one. It’s hard to see past the present when you’re in the thick of it. Of course by the time, Jack was 1, I was ready for another.
You have contradictory feelings toward your husband.
One minute I would think, “He’s the best! He’s so helpful and nurturing.” The next, I would think “how dare you sleep next to me while I am feeding and changing etc. etc!” More than likely, he is totally willing and able to help but doesn’t know what you need. It helped to remind myself to communicate that to him.
You feel completely overwhelmed.
That feeling of “Oh my gosh, I’m in charge of keeping another person alive” is heavy. Of course that’s overwhelming! With my second baby, I was still in the hospital when that feeling came over me. I called my mom and cried. She came to the hospital just to make sure I was ok and to talk. I can’t tell you how helpful that was. Sometimes you just need another person to say “I get it. It’s going to be ok. You won’t feel this way forever.”
No one else must feel this way.
All of these feelings can make a new Mom feel really isolated. That is why having other moms surround you is key. They will encourage you and say “Hey I felt the same!”
Every journey into motherhood is different, but maybe we are more similar than we realize. I would be surprised if my mom friends never felt these feelings. I think it comes with the territory. You are in a new playing field, but you will figure it out. And yes, those tiny lives are so worth it. When you are the first person they smile at, the only person that can comfort them, when they say “I wuv you Mama,” and run into your arms; it will all make sense why motherhood exists.
If you feel like you’re struggling with deeper, harder things than this, please get help and talk to a trusted counselor or doctor. Postpartum depression is real.
