Recently, morning arrived bearing brilliant sunshine, a blustery wind, and a fresh 1.5 inches of snow. I layered on my winter running gear, strapped on my YakTrax running cleats, and headed out the door for a run. The wind bit at my cheeks and the fresh powder slowed me down a bit, but I ended up running 6.25 miles. Weekends afford me the luxury of a longer run in the daylight and I took full advantage. Later that day, as I thought over my run, I caught myself thinking that I only ran 6 miles, and how I typically try to run longer distances on the weekends, or could I have run faster since it wasn’t that long of a distance. I stopped my train of thought when I realized that only had just robbed me of the accomplishment of running a 10k distance that morning. After I thought more about it, I realized that only is not just a thief, only is joined at the hip with my greatest foe: insecurity. Does only steal from you, too?
As I’ve thought about the situations when I catch myself using only and minimizing my accomplishments, it’s not surprising to realize how directly my use of only connects to my confidence and insecurity. Even though I’m 41 years old, I still take into consideration how others will react and engage with me, and it impacts my actions. Will friends want to attend an event I host? My fear of rejection might mean I add an only to downplay how important it is to me. Will others appreciate the work I put into a project? If I feel uncertain, and don’t want to put as much of my feelings at risk, only acts as a buffer where I can minimize the project’s importance. I’m not proud to admit to using these tactics: I would love to say I feel confident in all aspects of my adult life…but that’s simply not my real life. And in case it’s true for you, too, know that you’re not alone.
So now that I’m aware of how only has infiltrated my thinking, what can I do about it? How can I eliminate only and claim my accomplishments?
This year at work, our professional development focused on the power of gratitude. Our presenter shared many data points about the positive impact gratitude has on a person’s health. Try using a gratitude mentality to help you eliminate only and confidently claim your accomplishments. If you remember to express gratitude that you could do something, then you are less likely to minimize it. Framing your accomplishment in gratitude means you don’t need to feel sheepish or concerned that you will appear conceited or braggy mentioning your accomplishments! “I’m so glad I could organize a school carnival that so many families enjoyed” allows you to fully claim your accomplishment, and even celebrate it! It may take a while for you to adjust your thinking toward gratitude and away from only, but your efforts should pay off by increasing your confidence and happiness.
Do you have similar thought patterns? When you feel uncertain about something, do you discount it by adding an only? If you find yourself falling into a mental pattern like mine, take a moment to re-frame your thoughts. Use gratitude to claim your accomplishments and increase your overall happiness! After all, you are the only you on this planet.
