I’m a mom to three boys. I live alone on boy island; the only estrogen in a sea of boys. I have accumulated many titles as the lone female in this household: The One Who Doesn’t Play Roughhouse, Maker of The Best Cookies, She Who Paints Her Nails, The Crazy One…the list goes on. Somehow, I also carry the crown of Finder of the Lost Things.
Moms being the official Finder of the Lost Things is certainly not new. I’m not sure exactly when this role was assigned to women historically, but I have to believe that generations upon generations of women have worn this crown (unwillingly). Maybe it began when the men were off chasing herds of antelope or whatever, and the women were all back in the village finding water sources, edible plants and berries and not losing all of the children. Maybe it happened later, during the Roman Empire. When a brave soldier couldn’t find the sealed proclamation from Cesar that he was ordered to deliver under penalty of death, who do you think he asked to help him find it? The other soldiers? No way. He yelled for his wife. Or perhaps it was later still, when the men returned home from war and couldn’t remember which saddlebag the keys to the castle were in. The same man who somehow managed to navigate 300 miles home guided only by the stars, but can’t remember where the left leg of his chainmail suit is.
Exactly zero things have changed since then. Ok…well, maybe that is an exaggeration. Regardless, somewhere along the way women became the finders of the lost things. I don’t know why I apparently have magical looking powers and they have magical misplacing powers, but here we are. While I tell myself sometimes that this is a boy problem, it’s probably a universal Mom problem. I’m sure that whatever the male/female ratio is in your house, the problems are the same:
“Hey, have you seen my phone charger?”
“Mom! I can’t find my shoes!”
“Mom! The bus is coming in 2 minutes and I can’t find my homework!!”
“Mom! I can’t find my dinosaur book!! NO!! Not THAT ONE!! The OTHER ONE!! NOT THAT ONE EITHER!!! (wailing)
“I’m going to go out and mow the lawn. Have you seen my headphones? No, not those. The other ones.” (sigh)
“I’m looking in the fridge/pantry/closet and I don’t see it!”
(Calling me from the grocery store) “I’m standing here looking, and I don’t see it. What shelf is it on?”
Thanks to the frequency with which these sorts of scenarios and questions are lobbed my way, I’ve developed a series of helpful Finding Things questions. Trust me, your family will love them as much as mine does. When someone yells that they can’t find something, simply start with #1. Proceed through the list until the lost thing is found, or the other person is so exasperated that they stomp away.
- “Did you use your eyes when you looked? Opening a closet or fridge door and immediately yelling for me is NOT looking.”
- “Did you move things when you were looking? Usually the thing you are looking for will not helpfully wave at you or kiss you on the nose. You may have to look behind or under another thing to find it.”
- “Where did you have it last? What pants/coat were you wearing when you had it last? Did you check those pockets?”
- “If you put things back where they belong, you will always know where your things are!!”**
**#4 is not a question, but a helpful nugget of wisdom. And let me tell you, at the height of frantic searching, it is always received as helpful and wise.
My hope is that one day, with enough practice, they will be able to find at least half of their lost things on their own. I’d be happy with half. I’m not a pie-in-the-sky idealist. I know Finder of The Lost Things is my lot in life, and I’m good with that.
