When you first get asked if your child can be the ring bearer or the flower girl, it’s exciting. You squeal and cheer and imagine mini tuxes and piles of tulle; not to mention you’re honored they want your pipsqueak to help them celebrate their special day. However, as the day gets closer and the details come together, it slowly starts to sink in….
Oh, you want this kid to do what and walk where? You know he barely can dress himself, right?
Wait, you want her to keep that white, poofy dress clean for how long?
Hmm… you need them to be happy and cute all day? Like, this kid has never missed a nap…
Soon you realize you may have a ‘zilla’ on your hands and I’m not talking about the bride. Here are a few tips and tricks to keep your cool and not only get through the day, but enjoy it!
5 Tips for Parents Of a Flower Girl or Ring Bearer
1. Prep the Bride and Stay in the Know
Make sure to have as much communication as possible about the big day. Because you’re not in the wedding, if the bride herself is not sending out communications, it’s very possible you might be forgotten. At least three months out, make sure you know exactly what they want your little ring bearer or flower girl to wear. Don’t forget about accessories – headbands, socks, shoes, etc. One month out, get an idea for the schedule of events. Which portions, where, and when does the bride want you there? One week out, confirm everything: send pictures of your little one in their outfit for any last minute adjustments, and confirm the main points of the schedule.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask for certain things. The bride doesn’t know your kiddo’s schedule or how important a 30-minute nap might be. Don’t demand, but for example, ask if you’re needed the entire time for pictures or maybe just a 20-minute window. Also, don’t forget to set the expectations and prepare them for your child’s habits. Let them know it might not go like they’re imagining and have a Plan B, if Plan A doesn’t quite pan out.
2. Practice, Practice, Practice
You can practice before the big day even arrives. Set up some chairs in your living room, and suggest a new “game”. Have them watch some YouTube videos or simply just talk about it. When it is time for the big day, have them run through it a few extra times by themselves, making sure to explain over and over exactly what they’re supposed to do.
3. Bribe Like You’ve Never Bribed Before
Now is not the time to be worried about organic or screen time. If they have to be in one spot for hours on end, pack a kit with snacks they don’t get very often, plenty of on-the-go activities, a tide-to-go pen, baby wipes, safety pins for last minute outfit alterations, and don’t be afraid to bribe like you’ve never bribed before. Literally give them whatever it will take to help them make it down that aisle or take just one more picture.
4. Outfit Strategy
If the ceremony is at 3:00 PM, get them dressed at 2:30 PM. Wait until the last possible moment to put them in their outfit and reduce the chance they’ll get it dirty. Also depending on what they’re wearing, buy extras (Old Navy has very reasonably priced formal wear). Buy an extra set for “just in case”. The outfit doesn’t have to be exactly the same as the original, but it’s nice to be prepared and know you have something that would work if the terrible happened. Keep the tags on it and return it if you don’t use the extra set.
5. Place People Wisely
This is especially tricky if it’s a family wedding, but make sure favorite people are not sitting in the back on the aisle. They may not continue their journey if they see Grandpa. Walk your ring bearer/flower girl as far as you can, give them one more reminder of what they should do, and place your significant other/grandpa/grandma/other familiar person at the opposite end of the aisle (preferably with some treats). That familiar person can help direct them where to go from there.
Last but not least, don’t be angry or frustrated if things don’t go perfectly. The bride and groom will understand if you need to walk with (or okay, carry them) down the aisle. Feel honored they picked your child to be a part of their wedding party, and enjoy the celebrations!
