The past few weeks have been pretty challenging. My youngest son turned 5 months old a few days ago and must be going through a developmental leap of some kind because he is super cranky. He is also exclusively breastfed and won’t take a bottle in spite of us trying anything and everything. Needless to say, he screams his head off whenever I leave him with my spouse – even if it’s just for an hour or less. Because of this, I take him everywhere with me. No matter where I go, Monroe’s car seat is clipped in the back. I keep telling myself that someday I will look back and wish for my kids to need me like they need me now. But deep down, I also wish Monroe needed me just a little less.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys to death and I try very hard to never take for granted the moments I get with them. But a recent conversation with a college student acquaintance of mine got me thinking about the days I didn’t have to be quite so selfless. We were talking about her plans for college. Typical small-talk stuff: her major, where she would live, roommates, internships, etc. She began dreamily telling me how excited she is to fall in love, get married and have babies. She didn’t say it outright but it seemed like she was saying how ready she is to bypass her current phase of life in lieu of settling down. I remember being at that point in my life too. Being single, doing the whole college thing, living with roommates or by myself – it all seemed so boring. I remember feeling like I was biding my time till my real life would start. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming about the future, nothing wrong with wanting someone to love or wanting to have babies. But looking back, there are a few things I would say to a younger version of myself, a few things I said to this college student, a few things I have learned along the way:
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Girl, enjoy that freedom!
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Get in your car and go to Target whenever you want… Seriously. Meander through the whole store for hours on end now because someday you will only be able to get there after 8pm when the kids are in bed.
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Take a nap everyday just because you can.
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Enjoy your coffee while it is hot or learn to love cold coffee.
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It is okay to not know everything.
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There is such a thing as a gray area – not everything is black or white.
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Be proud to show up anywhere by yourself. You are pretty amazing just as you are!
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Know who you are alone so that when you finally find the partner of your dreams, he/she doesn’t have to be the one to complete you. You can each be happy individuals that love each other.
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Never compare yourself to someone else. Focus on the things you are instead of the things you are not.
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Develop good self-care practices now. They are survival skills.
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You may not fully know the things you think you know. Be ready to un-learn and re-learn.
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Getting married is fun. Being married is hard work.
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Live in the moment. This time in your life is so special. Don’t wish it away for something else because you will never be in this same phase of life ever again.
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Girl, enjoy that freedom! (I think I mentioned that one already…)
