“I used to be a smart person! Now all it seems I know how to do is zip up zippers and tie shoes! And now I can’t even remember what day it is or when the youngest had her last bath.”
Some days my memory lapses. and I forget words or thoughts that I had planned to form in coherent sentences. It seems that along with constant sleep deprivation, being constantly interrupted in life has minimized my attention span. Because, “What? Oh, you want lunch right now? Just wait until Mommy’s done typing this one thing down.”
That’s just life, isn’t it?
I’m actively fighting against this phenomenon, though. My kids need an example against apathy. They need to see a lifelong learner. (And having a mom with a head on her shoulders, wouldn’t hurt, either.)
So here are five ways I’m fighting against “Mom Brain.”
Clear the Space
I honestly feel like my “mom brain” is because of so much stuff. The calendar is full, the laundry baskets are full, the garage is full, the recycling bin is full. The minivan is full. It’s like having perpetual decision paralysis from too many items on a menu. What do I do next? ALL THE THINGS.
For me, when I clear the space, it’s not only a KonMari-esque physical cleansing; it’s also a calendar cleansing and a revamping of my daily routines and habits. Changing things up by clearing our space will force our “mom brains” to acclimate. We may need to move into coping skills, quick thinking skills, or basic recall ability. Change is not always comfortable, but change causes us to grow as moms and individuals.
Reading
Wasn’t it Abraham Lincoln who said “There’s nothing sexier than a woman who reads”? No? Well, it’s on the internet, so it must be true.
In any case, if I’m wanting to show my kids what it’s like to be a lifelong learner, my kids need to see me reading, and they need to see me reading Actual Books. I do read quite a bit on my iPad and my phone, but my kids need to see me appreciating the feel of a good book.
One area that you can fight against “mom brain” is by stretching yourself in what you read. I could fill eight thousand bookshelves with the books that I want to read on the topics that come naturally. But science? (Crickets chirp.) Science is….not my favorite. So this year, I’m stretching myself and reading books about DNA, weather interpretation, and chemistry.
You don’t have to carve out hours for reading. That would be delightful, stuff of pure bliss and imagination. But children cry, and supper needs making. So do your best.
I read 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night. That means I spend a little over 180 hours of my year reading. Even if you only spend 15 minutes a day reading, you’re reading 90+ hours of the year. Think of all of the new things you could learn in 90 hours of reading.
Learn New Skills
A few weeks ago, I asked my friends “If you could learn any skill, what would you learn?” Wow. That brought a lot of discussion. I’ve come to the conclusion that we are all just sitting around with these things that we want to know how to do but without actually attempting to acquire those skills.
If you’ve seen Julie & Julia, you’ll remember how Julia Child (played by Meryl Streep) failed at chopping onions, went home, and chopped an entire table’s worth of onions. The next day, she went back to class, and could chop an onion as fast as any of the other students. That’s a way to fight against “mom brain.”
I find that any time I’m in a rut or waiting on something else in life, it helps to learn a new skill. The creativity and determination required, along with acceptance of failure, switch my brain from BLAH to “I’ve got an idea!” This year, I’m planning on learning French and mastering the art of artisan whole-grain bread making. So far, all of my loaves have turned out like soggy messes or charcoal bricks. But I’m going to keep trying. (Have any tips?)
Let Some Things Go
This one is harder for me than it is for other people. I’m a person who can do 80 million things at an “okay” level, but nothing at a “dang, that’s fantastic!” level. And that stings some days. It’s important as moms to give ourselves space to just be “okay enough.” We can combat “mom brain” by relieving ourselves of some of the pressure to have things perfect all of the time to impress all of the people that we don’t even care about. Know thyself, mama, and just let go of the idea of perfection.
Teach Someone
Seneca, the Roman philosopher, famously said, “While we teach, we learn.” So all those new books and new skills that you’re learning? Go ahead and take that knowledge and teach it. Say you’re hankering to learn a new language, so you download the app Duolingo and start learning Russian, Hebrew, or French. While you’re eating your supper, astound your children with your newfound vocabulary. They’ll probably giggle, and you’ll remember. “Did you to remember to wipe?” and “Is the laundry put away?” could also be key phrases to learn.
Teach your spouse or friend without being too professorial. One way my husband and I incorporate this is by just saying “Hey, want to know what I read today?” He’s reading about immigration in the late 1890s, not a book that I would probably have picked up from the library. By listening to him tell about what he has read, not only am I learning a lot about immigration, but he’s cementing the thoughts and ideas he’s forming into his long-term memory.
If you learn a skill that’s shareable, offer to teach your friends. Host a cupcake-making party, a wine-pairing party, any kind of party. Partying is for sharing. And you might just be teaching someone a skill they’ve always wanted to learn but have never taken the time to try.
Those are my best tips on combatting “mom brain.” I cannot promise that you’ll succeed at everything in life if you follow these tips. But I can promise that you’ll have a greater sense of self-satisfaction and a curiosity and wonder whenever you try something new.
