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Lean on Me: How to Support Waiting Adoptive Parents

Lean on Me: How to Support Waiting Adoptive Parents | Rochester MN Moms Blog

Our family has been in the throes of international adoption for over 2  1/2 years. While our journey has been fairly public, and our lengthy struggle to bring our adopted child home is a unique situation, we have much in common with other waiting parents. In the spirit of friendship, here are 5 tips that may* help you meaningfully interact with waiting adoptive parents.

  1. DO be a listening ear

Don’t understand what your friend is going through? It doesn’t matter. Like any other emotionally draining experience in life: moving, divorce, cancer…sometimes people just need someone to lean on. You don’t have to get it, you don’t have to fix it, just be there. And bring coffee…or wine 🙂

2. DON’T offer up adoption horror stories

Again, like any other life-changing trauma, no one needs to hear the worst case scenario (believe me, we already know 🙁  Unless you are telling your own personal experience, shy away from sharing how your neighbors daughter tried to adopt from …. but it cost $$$$….and it ended horribly…

3. DO  ask about their process, or if appropriate, their child

For us, we sought the referral of a specific waiting child. His face and smile have been in our hearts for years now. He has been legally our child, with our last name, for a year and a half. When people ask about him, ask to see pictures, and ask if he is healthy-he feels real, like the missing piece of our daily life that he actually is.

4. DON’T ask them when they’ll “just move on”

Whether awaiting selection by a birth mother, or waiting to bring home a child from afar, know this-THE WAIT IS NOT OPTIONAL. To a waiting parent, this is the path forward. You may not understand, you may have a lot of (very personal) questions, but in our case, giving up is not an option. On our adoption journey, we have met and held and loved our son, and our road to parenting may look nothing like yours, but we are committed to it. Hold our hand and stand with us.

5. DO offer to pray for them

That others are thinking of you at your darkest time, can be the most comforting thing in the world. Our faith may differ but if I know you are speaking to your higher-up on my behalf, I’ll take all the prayers you have.

 

*This commentary is based on my own very personal experience, and from discussions with other adoptive parents. Like anything, individuals handle and react to things differently, so these “tips” will not fit/ appeal to all. My goal is that you feel comfortable to be there for your adoptive parent friend, and that more AP’s get the support they need.

 

 

 

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