The Marriage Advice That Blew My Husband’s Mind

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marriage, advice, counseling, therapy, husband, wife, conflict, fighting,

Ladies, I’m not sure you’re going to believe that what I state below actually happened, but it did. And these little nuggets of life saving advice need to be passed along like your grandmother’s favorite recipe. Tell your daughters and preach to your sons. This marriage advice was given from one man to another, and it is nothing short of awesome.

 
My husband and I got married five years ago. During that relatively short amount of time, I lived in another state for four months, we took care of a ranch, we moved across the country, my husband has had two new jobs, I’ve had one new job, we lived with my in-laws, my father-in-law lived with us, we’ve had three children and…well…that’s it. Needless to say, we’ve had our stressors, and we’ve sought marriage advice from a therapist. Our marriage counselor was an older man, and just when I was worried that he wouldn’t understand a modern day woman, he said several things to my husband that blew my ever-lovin-mind. And here they are. (Run fast to your husbands and partners because this is it. This is what dreams are made of.)
 
1) It takes moms a long time to come out of mom mode. And that needs to be honored and respected. 
 
Say what?!!! Did you actually just validate the very thing I’ve been arguing for four years?! Kids in bed at 7:45. Sex at 8:00?! No way in this world or any other, sucka. Try me at 10:00 if I’m awake, which is doubtful, so maybe just don’t try at all. See you in the morning, and we’ll take another look at the day. And by the way, since I wake up at 3am with a list of things to do, it turns out that I’m NEVER out of mom mode. No, but really Mr. Therapist, THANK YOU for acknowledging this seemingly difficult theory that us moms need time to transition and decompress.
 
2) Getting groceries and running other errands are obligations and not free time. 
 
Shut the front door. Say that one more time. Say it again and then tattoo it on the hand of every spouse/partner that has ever breathed, “But I thought getting groceries by yourself was a break.” No, according to Mr. Therapist, a break involves friends, hobbies, alone time – whatever it is that is DEEMED a break by us moms. I know, mind blowing. I think my husband is still recovering from this one.
 
3) Most women (especially moms) rarely think about sex. 
 
Enough said. If you have a pipe, put that bad boy in it and smoke it. All the way to your pouting corner.
 
And last, but not least.  What I think is the most important:
 
4) When your wife asks for something, it is your job to do everything in your power to make it happen.
 
Amen, brother.  Mr. Therapist describes marriage as a contractual agreement in which you do everything you can to give your partner what they want and need.  And in all seriousness, we know that moms are notorious for making that happen for everyone but themselves.  When you look at it in terms of a contractual agreement, it makes 100% sense.  Taking the emotion out of the request and turning it into part of a concrete agreement made by the two of you at the alter, may get you what you want.  Just be careful because the payback may mean you need to come out of mom mode…
 
So, there you have it: the marriage advice that blew my husband’s mind.  Sure I still have to remind him of this advice, but the initial and ongoing validation that Mr. Therapist has given me makes it worth it and then some.
 
From time to time, Rochester MN Moms Blog will publish posts anonymously to protect the author if sensitive information is being shared. 

1 COMMENT

  1. I liked the points you’ve made! I would extend validation of these truths to all partnered women out here who are on a journey to balance life, career, family caretaking, & health (ok, that’s ALL women, right ladies?). I, for example, am a Type 1 Diabetic. In your article I replaced “child/mom” with the word “diabetes” and bingo, all applied too! Thanks for a concise and meaningful article.

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