My first child arrived 3.5 weeks early in January 2009 and sent us into the newborn freefall even less prepared than we would have liked. I enjoyed a short 11 weeks at home with her and headed back to work that April. As May approached and Mother’s Day loomed ahead, my husband asked me how I wanted to celebrate. The truthful answer? By myself, taking my favorite yoga class and then enjoying a coffee at my leisure. There would definitely be no changing of poopy diapers involved. But that made me feel like an ungrateful jerk, so I kept my words in my head and told him I would think about it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was ok to want alone time doing activities that I, Kahla, enjoyed. Kahla had hobbies before she became a mother, hobbies that had fallen by the wayside. Kahla used to choose a restaurant based on her food preferences and not just the speed of their service. Kahla didn’t feel guilty about missing bedtime routines when an exercise class ran a little long. I missed Kahla‘s life even though I loved my little family.
Thankfully, I told my husband the truth that first year. What I wanted for Mother’s Day was to do whatever I wanted to do, and not feel guilty about it (especially if it was something I wanted to do without them). But I wasn’t totally cold-hearted, I also wanted to celebrate with my sweet little family, to enjoy the fact that I was now a mother. We came up with a plan that fulfills both those needs:
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Saturday = Mom’s Day Off (aka Mother’s Day pre-game)
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Sunday = Mother’s Day Family Celebration
Saturday Pre-Game
Ah, sweet Saturday. It’s truly the pre-game for the big day on Sunday, but it’s my favorite day. Some years I have woken up early to go for a run and then headed out to brunch. Another year I headed up to the twin cities for a shopping trip. I’ve opted for a massage, or mani/pedi, or an afternoon movie with a dear friend. The sky is the limit on pre-game Saturday. On a particularly lovely weather year, I stopped for an ice cream cone and then parked by a lake for a quiet walk. . .there’s no extravagance requirement! The only requirement is that I get to pick what I am doing, and if I choose alone time, that’s what I must need.
While I spend time away from home, doing my chosen activity, my husband and kiddos have “safe” time to work on making me a card or craft for Mother’s Day. When she was three years old, my daughter decided Mother’s Day is a “cake holiday” so my being away on Saturday helps facilitate the baking of said cake. Who am I to stand in the way of cake for a holiday?
Sunday Family Day
On Mother’s Day proper, I pretend to sleep in while my husband and kids make my favorite breakfast. They put out fancy cloth napkins, arrange the floral bouquet into a vase, and sometimes there’s even a mimosa involved. Right now my kids LOVE Mother’s Day…they love helping organize the breakfast, they can’t wait to give me their cards and gifts they made me. After breakfast/brunch, we head out for a family activity such as geocaching, hiking or a bike ride. One year we went to an arboretum…we always cross our fingers for lovely weather because early May can be such a wonderful time to be outside together. I also get to choose what we have for dinner, but of course on family day I pick something my whole family will enjoy. We devour the Mother’s Day cake, and I revel in a weekend spent doing so many of my favorite things, most of them with my absolute favorite people.
Our family follows this routine for Mother’s Day weekend and Father’s Day, too. Try it out with your spouse or partner this year! Same-sex couples, try choosing the preceding or following Saturday so that both Moms get their own Mom’s Day Off. How does your family celebrate the parents at your house?
