I am a people-pleaser. Maybe you can relate? Even as far as I have come in recent years at putting self- care on my priority list, I still seem to fall victim to the trap of the “To-Do List.” I get some sense of satisfaction from a long list of tasks, protecting them as my sole duty, apprehensive to delegate. As we enter this holiday season, I have chosen to not give out my best “yes!” but to feel comfortable enough to say “no.”
This year has been a whirlwind of change; from becoming a mom of two, to leaving my 9-5 job, to running two businesses. My To-Do List was ever-growing, and it seemed my sanity was ever-shrinking. I was focusing on the things I said yes to; I felt in control. I thought it was sustainable, but before I even realized I was going down, I hit the bottom. I had no more “yes” to give. I ran out of the physical, mental, and emotional capacity to process much beyond feeding my babies (and some days that was a struggle). I was a big pile of “no.”
Friends Who Tell Me to Just Say “No”
I am blessed by the circle of friends and family I have at my beck and call. My life wouldn’t function as it is, without those people. So when I couldn’t get out of bed, I felt trapped under a rock of anxiety, I knew I had to make a few phone calls. The people I called, I knew they wouldn’t judge me or feel like I let them down by showing my imperfections. They listened, validated my feelings, and slapped me with a reality.
“No is a sentence. Use it, and don’t excuse it.”
I took that afternoon to relish in my new-found empowerment. I took to my To-Do List; removing tasks that could be forgotten or delayed, asked for help, and reconsidered a couple committal positions I should not have taken on. I am in a much better place today for it, and feel no shame in giving “No” as an answer.
We must protect our “Yes.” Do you currently have the time, energy, or resources to take on the responsibility that comes with saying “yes?” If you are giving out your “yes” without considering these things, you should probably say “no” until you take inventory of your personal well-being.
The temptation to “appear perfect” or to please everyone is too prevalent among my mom-friends. Social media plays a part in that, but we cannot place the blame on Pinterest and Facebook alone. Taking responsibility, being transparent with those whom I trust, and implementing a prioritized set of intentions is how I choose to combat it.
What will you say “No” to today?
