Today, I gave my husband fair warning: “I’m feeling a little emotional lability, so consider yourself warned.”
We do that. I’m not by nature a hugely demonstrative person, so when I am about to erupt, I warn him. I am an INFP (all the feelings!), but I was raised by stoic Norwegian-Germans. But today The Feelings Came and I found myself tearing up at strange things.
Today, I was saying goodbye to a stage of my life. You see, later on this year, we’re bringing home a new child into our family via international adoption. Because we want our kiddo to bond well and acclimate to his new family, we’re all dialing social activities down a notch. I’m having to step back from some things I love and choose between all the good we’ve been enjoying. Which good is best for us? Which good is just okay? Tough decisions to make. We’re also gearing up for an international move in about a year and a half, and I’m looking down the pipe at which things we’ll have to give up as a family as we experience life in a completely new culture.
Today was the last meeting for the year of a local hangout/outreach group for young moms. As I looked at all the women around me, I thought of the fun friendships I’ve made. Women are beautiful. I think you’re all simply marvelous. I am constantly amazed at the camaraderie in relationship that can be formed almost instantly, the beauty in vulnerability, the laughter. Some of the girlfriends I’ve made are some of the funniest people I’ll likely ever meet.
Saying goodbye sucks. And it seems like I’m setting myself up for an infinite series of goodbyes.
I know that, especially in our community with a local medical school, summer is often a time of transition for families. Moves happen. Jobs change. Schools change for kids. We get used to one phase of life and then have to say goodbye to it, sooner than we know it.
After I had my Feelings episode this morning, my youngest came up to me. She’s not, by nature, a snuggler, but she’s getting into a very possessive “you’re my mommy and not anyone else’s” phase, where she doesn’t want her older brothers to sit on my lap. As I snuggled with my suddenly cuddly and receptive little one, I realized that each time I say “goodbye” to a phase, I’m saying “hello” to another.
For me, I may be saying “goodbye” to a lot of time spent commiserating and laughing with other mom friends, but I’m also saying “hello” to a new normal for our family—-a fourth child! I’m also saying hello to opportunities to experience life abroad! To simplify the excessive amount of junk we’ve got in our house in preparation for our move.
It doesn’t help with the feelings of grief and loneliness, but it does help with my perspective. And I hope it helps with yours.
I won’t tell you to “embrace your goodbyes” or any other such hogwash, because goodbyes are genuinely hard. But go out and timidly or tenaciously say your new hello’s. They’ll be worth it, for however long they last.
