“After having kids my sex life has gone down hill. What can I do?”
Every woman experiences different seasons in her sex-life.
It is okay to have periods in your life when you are not interested in sex. There are plenty of reasons why a mom does not feel like having sex. Sleep deprivation, laundry, needy little people, laundry, ornery teens, laundry…
However, the mind/body/relationship benefits of sex are so wonderful. So, here are three suggestions to help ease the transition from mom mode to sex mode.
Self Care
The biggest sex organ in your body is your brain. Tending to your emotional, mental, and physical needs is a vital component of sexual health. If you want to boost your sexual desire: self-care, self-care, and self-care. When you are feeling emotionally and physically drained, sex can feel like a chore. It is difficult to give to another person when your cup is empty. Taking time to love and care for yourself is one of the best ways to start building a satisfying sex-life.
Communication
Opening up to your partner about sex can feel uncomfortable. However, talking with your partner about sex builds intimacy and emotional connection in your relationship. Both of which heighten a woman’s interest and enjoyment of sex.
One area women tend to hesitate to talk about with their partner is orgasm. For some women orgasms can be underwhelming and/or absent. I don’t think there is a woman out there who hasn’t been frustrated with her body’s ability to orgasm at some point in her life. This is normal. Hormone fluctuations, motherhood, life stressors, past sexual experience can hinder moments of ecstasy. Communicating with your partner about your frustrations opens up the opportunity for the two of you to brainstorm different positions, self-stimulated and partner-stimulated techniques.
Sometimes it is helpful to talk with a confidential third-party about your sex life. A sex therapist is great resource in building a satisfying sex life. Sex therapists specialize in the areas of sexual functioning, sexual satisfaction, and pleasure. Also, they help with strengthen a couple’s relationship so they can experience the benefits of a nurturing and loving relationship.
“Taking time to love and care for yourself is one of the best ways to start building a satisfying sex-life.”
Make Time
Spontaneous sex and quickies are great. But with so many demands on a mom’s plate, sex can become an afterthought. This is where scheduling sex on the calendar can be helpful. Sex by appointment gives your mind the freedom to get all hot and bothered as you wait in anticipation for your scheduled time.
Scheduled or spur of the moment: both involve sex and sex is great.
Remember This
Being a mom you have plenty of pressure and stress in your life. Sex is meant to be pleasurable not stressful. So, give yourself time. You will get your “groove “ back.
Looking for more?
Check out this article for more ideas on how to reconnect with pre-baby sex life.
What to talk with other Rochester moms about sex? Med City Doulas is hosting a candid conversation for parents about sex after baby in October. Check out Facebook for more details on “Doulas After Dark”.
allison jean loftus LPC
