It feels like I’ve worked for myself for as long as I can remember. But it’s only been a few years.
Long nights, early mornings, feeling the glee of an exciting opportunity, and feeling the threat of going under—I’ve walked them. Fortunately for me, I am not the main breadwinner in our home, so the stakes are not as high.
It’s a fun ride, mostly! Working for yourself affords its highly touted benefits. But when is it a good idea? When does working for yourself not work anymore? I’ve come to understand the line. I feel its subtle shift creeping in. It creeps into my heart, my family, my work and everything I touch. It’s this subtle shift that makes all the difference.
Working on your own stops working when hard work turns to striving. Hard work is absolutely called for. It’s called for for every person in every working position—from full-time employee to full-time caretaker—but it’s vital for every entrepreneur, every direct sales representative, every business owner. Late nights and hectic seasons? Yes and yes. We’re not nine-to-fiver’s, and it’d be ridiculous to expect ourselves to look like one. We may work hard to keep a normal schedule (and rightly so) and hopefully that rhythm is enforced most of the time. Boundaries are essential. But work-heavy seasons and healthy work-life parameters both coexist for the thriving entrepreneur. Hard work is part of the job. Our sweat and tears offset our rich joys. Even when it’s 2am.
Striving, though, is slightly different from working hard. And yet, it’s that slight difference that crosses the line to danger. Striving is running after a dangling carrot. Striving is working feverishly while pleading, “Please! Please!” Striving is vigor wrapped in worry. When you’re striving—and I know you know what I’m talking about—you waste time on details that may or may not affect your bottom line. It’s the process of spinning wheels until your insides are so disheveled that your own family wonders who you are or how to help you.
The hard-working entrepreneur is never satisfied with the victories, because a more vibrant dream emerges. The striving entrepreneur is never satisfied. Period.
Of course, I’m speaking from experiencing both sides of the line. I’d start out just “busy”. The workload wouldn’t change much, but my perception of it would. I’d start to wonder which plate would fall to the ground without my attention. I started feeling like my kids were getting in the way of my goals for the day. I felt my husband was requiring too much attention. Didn’t everyone realize that if I didn’t take care of these projects, the whole universe would give up on me? Opportunities would be dashed, and my credibility would be shot! I’d be relegated to being thought of as “just another mom who does something on the side” and not a professional who happens to swing it all with kids in tow.
Whoa. Did you pick up on a handful of wrong thoughts in there?
But then I asked myself this: when is this going to end? I’m all for working hard, but surely there must be an end in mind. I didn’t see one. And then I looked around at my house and my mediocre relationships. I realized that those relationships existed out of some sort of obligation, we weren’t bound by time and effort… not my own at least.
We all know the truth: someone will always be richer, better, and pull it off with more swagger.
So I put on the brakes. It was a tough time, reevaluating and coming to terms with the threat of completely giving up. I formed an ideal calendar, a lower goal for income, and enforced boundaries… on myself. And I still have to keep a close eye on what my efforts are wrapped up in every day.
When I’m not sure if my hard work is giving way to striving, I tell myself to make a list, pray, and go to sleep. I ask myself the core question I come back to so often: was I made for this? The risk and toll is only worth it if what I’m doing resonates with a calling–an echo to who I am and my unique purpose. That unique purpose includes motherhood, it is not at odds with it. If I feel like the lion of my ambition is roaring at my homebound pull, something is wrong. That lion’s got to be tamed. And if I can’t go to sleep that night (or afternoon!), then it’s time to check my pulse.
Striving is like pedaling on a fixed-gear bike. (Have you seen one of those? The kind without brakes or gears that force the rider to pedal in a million tiny circles?) It might be a good workout, but I’m in this biz for the freedom it affords, not the calories—or brain cells—it burns.
Work hard and hustle. And guard your heart. Stop striving and wait to see what chips fall. You may be surprised at how the world keeps spinning when working for yourself just isn’t working at all.
