I have never been a person with “thick skin.” Whoever said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” was lying through their teeth. I can look back on periods of my life when I felt low and see direct correlations to something someone said about me. Sadly, my thoughts are easily influenced by the comments of others. I believe all the lies and own them as mine. Then I come full circle; I no longer need someone else to say negative things about me – I begin saying them about myself. In my head, I replay statements of self-doubt, insecurities, irrational fears and a seemingly constant bombardment of criticism (not the constructive kind).
It’s interesting how I can take a singular situation and use it to label myself as a whole. If something doesn’t go as planned, it means I am unorganized or under-qualified. If I make a mistake, it means I am insensitive, thoughtless or lacking common sense. If I lose my temper, it means I am a bad mom, wife, friend – a bad person… You get the idea. I have a vivid imagination and positive things are harder to believe.
I wish I could say that I am a survivor, that I have looked negative self-talk in the face and come out the reigning champion. But unfortunately, I am still the student. I have recently been thrown some things that have caused a downward spiral. The difference this time is that I feel more aware of the negative self-talk and its consequences. This time I am a woman on a mission – I have chosen that I will not let this bring me down. Here are a few things I have found helpful. I hope they can help you too!
- Positive self-talk – Pick out a few positive phrases, scripture or attributes and use those to combat the negative self-talk. Recite what is true!
- Don’t compare – The grass is always greener on the other side… or is it? I am not someone else. You are not me. We need to feel good about being ourselves.
- Don’t hold yourself to the standards of others – We will never be enough for everyone. There will always be someone who has unmet expectations for us. I sometimes get stuck because I make assumptions about the expectations of others. Then I fall short of the imaginary expectations… sounds silly on paper but it happens!
- Listen to music – I find that music is one sure way to boost my spirits. It never fails that I will hear a song that speaks directly to my feelings and makes me feel understood.
- Be careful of my TV choices – I can tell when I should change the channel. A negative show can impact my outlook and then it all looks gray and gloomy.
- Find friends that understand and are uplifting – I am not all about gossiping but sometimes venting and being heard is the best way to get it out in the open. That doesn’t mean we should be singing our woes to every person who will listen. Find one good friend who understands.
- Jump anyways – Don’t let negative self-talk be the reason to not jump. Jump anyways!
