One thing I have learned in my years as a dietitian is that food is a very personal subject. An even more hair-raising subject… talk to someone about how they feed their kids! I am going to write a 3 part series with some tools, tips, and tricks for effectively feeding your kids. My sole mission with this series is to help you, but I completely understand if you disagree or wish to dismiss my suggestions. You still have to do what you feel is best for your family. The 3 parts will consist of the following: The Satter Division of Responsibility, The Importance of Family Meals and Common Childhood Feeding Issues.
The information I offer is based on sound research. I will not offer suggestions that are unrealistic or ones I have not tried and found successful myself. With that said, a large part of my core beliefs comes from a dietitian and licensed family therapist named Ellyn Satter MS, RD, MSSW. Early in her private practice as a dietitian, she counseled countless parents with seemingly the same issues. Over the course of her lengthy career, she developed, tested and retested her theories until they became the models I now hold so dearly today. Since opening my in-home daycare in 2017, I have taken additional courses to dig deeper into her models and how to apply them. The more I learn about her beliefs, the more I love them. I hope you love them too.
Division of Responsibility
Okay, let’s start at the beginning. The Satter Division of Responsibility is a collection of principles that offer guidance on who is responsible for what roles in the dance of feeding and eating. I am going to focus mainly on the toddler through teen years because this makes up the bulk of child-rearing years. If anyone has questions about infants, please feel free to contact me and we can discuss it further.
The Satter Division of Responsibility is a tool that helps make family meals enjoyable for everyone. Firstly, parents are responsible for the what, when and where of feeding. This means parents will choose and prepare the meal items, as well as decide the timing and location of meals and snacks. One important aspect of this includes choosing scheduled times for snacks and avoiding grazing throughout the day, which might hinder the child’s appetite at meals. All choices are made to suit your specific family’s needs. Parents are free to pick the times that work best for meals and snacks. Family meals are highly encouraged but if a child’s extracurricular activity interferes on a particular day, the parent can adjust the location accordingly. Again, this is all about individualizing to what fits your family. I’ll discuss more about family meals in part 2 – The Importance of Family Meals.
There are two responsibilities that will always remain under the child’s control – the how much and whether of eating. The child always gets to decide when they are full and if they would like to try a food. This may seem counter-productive when it comes to helping kids try new foods but I promise it will help your child thrive, not diminish their development of food preferences. We will discuss this more in part 3 – Common Childhood Feeding Issues.
As a side note for those with tweens and teens, the Satter Division of Responsibility remains the same throughout these ages but it is very beneficial to begin including older children in the daily tasks of choosing and preparing meals. The goal is to become a teacher of sorts; parents provide kids with all the necessary skills so that when they graduate and leave home they can do it all themselves. What a wonderful thought!
Whew, did I make your head spin?! I hope not! With those basics in place, I can tell you that some parts of this come completely naturally while others seem like a constant struggle. For me, the choosing and preparing of foods is a non-issue (except on a weeknight when I have no clue what I want to make). But when I first began applying these concepts with my kids, I found my default was to control how much they had to eat and of what. It took some serious work on my part to let go of the reigns so they could have the freedom to do their job of eating. While it was hard work in the beginning, these principles are now central to how we operate. I found that breaking down who is responsible for what roles in feeding and eating really helped me enjoy meals with my family. If I am responsible for providing fruits and vegetables but not responsible for “getting them to eat” their fruits and vegetables, I can sit back and enjoy their company. It took away all the pressure! I was able to relax and know that I was doing my part and that their part was up to them.
The Satter Division of Responsibility is one part of a bigger puzzle. I am sure it has left you with more questions – I promise to address these in upcoming posts! But if you have more questions that I do not address or you have specific needs regarding feeding, feel free to contact me! Ellyn also has some amazing resources on her website. Eating and feeding should be fun. I hope this helps!
