When I first dreamed of being a mother… I imagined snuggles with chubby arms wrapped around my neck, soft blankets, stinky diapers, sleepless nights, and a chance to impact a little life that would someday grow into an adult worthy to take on the world. These may be aspects of motherhood, moments that may have actually happened.
I’m not sure though, because I have been so busy filling out forms. It is a part of motherhood I never realized I would be devoting hours to doing. Something we rarely speak about, but we all SUFFER through. It has many different names. Registration, Enrollment, Verification, Sign-ups, Permission slips and my least favorite — FORM. Shudder.
It starts early. Almost from day one. Sometimes even before birth. Medical forms need to be filled out. Insurance needs to be updated. DayCare enrollments. Baby Massage Classes. Extracurricular activities all require them. They all need the same information and require the same amount of tedious demographic information. You fill them out and you think that you are finally done.
But, no. You show up for a doctor’s visit, and are handed yet another piece of paper on a clipboard. Please verify that all the information on this form is correct. Another shudder runs through you as you tediously pick up a pen and work through the reason for the visit and the questions at hand, which you secretly know no one will actually look at. You longingly look at People’s magazine wishing you could just sneak a peek for two seconds instead of signing on the dotted line verifying that NONE of the information has changed and YES, it is all up to date.
As they age the forms and registration seem to triple. And then you have multiple children, which means multiple registrations. There are not enough hours in the day. You spend your weekends catching up with the forms. But we can now fill out most of these forms online. Wait…it is almost worse. Each site needs a username and a password. If you are like me, you frequently forget which username and password you have used. If you are like me you don’t use the remember username and password app because you are worried that someone is going to steal your identity if you leave your phone somewhere. THINK OF ALL THAT INFORMATION they have access to.
So when summer rolls around and you are signing your children up for those community education classes, soccer clinics and summer camp you are clicking on the button, forgot username and password. Sigh. Hours later, maybe days. You think you have it all done. You close your blurry eyes and try to imagine a place where registration forms don’t exist. It seems so three-dimensional. So free of checkboxes and lines. Completely void of emergency contact information. It is a good place. A place you want to stay forever.
You open your weary eyes for a second, only to hear a ping. Wait, what’s this…you read through a notification letting you know that your child’s sports physical will be out of date this year. Please submit the updated attached form, signed by a doctor, prior to the start of the season. Also, don’t forget to fill out the form for the size of T-shirt that your child needs. Your head drops. You know you’ll never win.
But…one day…someday…maybe
I don’t know about you but I DREAM of a registration form-free life.
