As parents, we are constantly making decisions. Everything from which brand of diapers to buy to how to tackle potty training and temper tantrums and where to send your kids to school. As a mom, I always want to make the best decisions possible, so I am frequently seeking advice from friends, our pediatrician, my mom, the internet… There is no shortage of sources for pretty much any question I may ever have. However, it’s no secret that when searching for answers or advice, it’s possible to find conflicting information for just about every question imaginable. How are we as moms supposed to sort it all out?
When my son was a newborn, he cried A LOT. I was searching for anything and everything to try to figure out how to get this baby to stop crying. It broke my heart to listen to him cry and my mind to deal with it. While discussing this with my mom, I asked her how she survived before Google and the age of information. She, in turn, asked me how I survived WITH all the information, and how I didn’t find it all overwhelming. I may be a relatively new mom myself (my son will be two in January), but I’m not new to taking care of kids or seeking (or even being asked for) advice. Before my son, I spent over eight years as a full-time nanny and two years as a behavioral therapist. I have always loved research and gathering information, and I think that quest for knowledge has naturally made its way into my parenting style. I realize that not everyone feels the same way and that a lot of moms do find all the incoming information overwhelming.
So here is the one piece of advice that I want to share: Parenting is not one size fits all, so take all advice with a grain of salt. As moms, we’re all different. Our kids are different and our families are different, so it’s okay if we make different decisions and take different advice. When I was figuring out how to deal with a colicky newborn, I had to figure out what was best for me and my baby. My husband and I sought all the advice we could find and together decided what we were comfortable trying and what worked for us. In case you weren’t aware, there is not a magic cure for colic. What worked for us and our baby (let’s be honest, nothing totally worked), probably won’t work for someone else. One thing I always try to keep in mind is that in the end, it doesn’t matter how much you spend on diapers or if your child is potty trained by 18 months or when they’re 4. When your kids go off to college or start their first job, no one is going to know if they were taught all of their colors before age two or went to kindergarten without knowing their letters. I think that one of the reasons decision making in parenting is so stressful is because we want to make the right decisions. However, many or even most of the decisions we make as parents don’t really have a right or wrong answer.
It’s also easy to judge other moms or compare ourselves to others, but the thing is that we all just want what’s best for our kids. It’s possible to be a good mom whether your child sleeps through the night by six months or is still climbing in your bed every night when they’re six years old. You want to do better for the earth and save money and take on cloth diapering? That’s great! I love the idea of cloth diapering, but laundry stresses me out, so we’re sticking to disposables. Maybe you are jealous of another mom who always does extravagant crafts and activities with their kids while keeping their house spotless all the time. Maybe you feel superior to the mom who gives her kids mac n cheese and chicken nuggets every day while you only serve healthy organic food in your home. The truth is that the Pinterest mom, the crunchy mom, the hot mess mom, and whatever label you want all love their kids and want what’s best for them. For me, it has been so freeing to let go of these things and realize that I can be friends with moms who are way different than me. I have mom friends who stay at home, friends who work full time, friends that breastfeed well past one year, friends that formula feed from the start, friends that dress their kids in the latest trends, and friends that are perfectly content with hand-me-downs. I think we are all great moms who love our kids.
After you let go of trying to be right and stop judging and comparing, the most important thing is that all of the decisions we make as moms come from a place of love. None of us are perfect parents, and that’s okay.
