My daughter had the privilege of participating in a family wedding at the beginning of the summer. My husband’s cousin was getting married and asked if Matt would be a groomsman and if Gracelyn would be a flower girl. What made this wedding even more special was that the groom is from Japan. We learned early on that Gracelyn’s attire would be a kid’s kimono!
Honestly, we didn’t know how she would do. Like many toddlers, she is typically shy at first around people she doesn’t know but eventually warms up once she’s given a chance to explore. We’re very proud of the fact that Gracelyn has her own personal bubble and she decides whom she wants to let in and when she wants to let them in.
As the big day approached, we did several things to prep Gracelyn for this honorary task:
1) Talk it up. About two weeks before the wedding, we started talking to her about being a flower girl. This concept was new to her, but we explained that she would get to carry a basket filled with flowers (score!) and throw the flowers on the floor (double score!). We made it sound like this would be the best thing in the world and being two years old, she really believed it would be. If you can find pictures or videos of flower girls, even better!
2) Practice. A few days before the wedding, we filled a small basket with torn up pieces of paper to practice. Since my husband was a groomsman, he would already be up front. We practiced with him standing at one of the room and me at the other. I walked with my daughter at first, showing her what to do with the pieces of paper, and then had her do it, walking from me to her dad. We didn’t go longer than 15 minutes of practice a day because, after that, everyone just gets cranky.
3) Do not be above bribery. When it was time for the rehearsal, I pulled out all of the stops. She was shy, as we expected, and was super clingy to my husband. Let’s just say the rehearsal seemed like a disaster. But, it did give her a chance to get comfortable with all these new people she was meeting. We told Gracelyn she would get the chance to run around in the big space if she walked from Mama to Dada. We even promised a bigger surprise tomorrow (ice cream). Hey, you do what you have to do. Candy, screen time, playing outside. I was not above any of it. And if your Tiny Human has to sit up front the entire time, have whoever they are sitting/standing next to prepped with their favorite snack and slip them periodic bribes to incentivize them to continue doing a good job.
4) Set your expectations low. Keep this at the forefront of your mind if your Tiny Human is under the age of five. This was the mindset I had from the beginning. This was especially true during photos when our daughter was just not having any of it. Yes, it would be wonderful if she walked down the aisle and threw the pretty flowers every five feet like we wanted her to, but if she didn’t, it would not be the end of the world. And thankfully, Matt’s cousin was the chillest bride in all of human history (thanks, Alyssia!). Gracelyn did surprise us on the wedding day. I was carrying her right before she had to walk down the aisle. She had been clingy right up to that point but I said, “go to Dada and show him your flowers” and when I set her down, she took off running down the aisle to Matt. When she reached him, she dumped out all of the flowers at his feet. It was beyond adorable. I may have applauded and then instantly cried.
5a) Tip for the parent with the flower girl/ring bearer: wear something nice because you will most likely be a flower mommy/daddy. I was prepped to walk down the aisle with my child if needed, but thankfully, it didn’t come to that.
5b) Be cognizant of naps if your Tiny Human needs them still. It makes all the difference in the world.
The wedding was beautiful, my daughter did a great job — we all gushed during the reception over how cute she was running — and at the end of the day, the bride and the groom got married to each other. I call that a successful wedding!
Good luck to you if your Tiny Human is participating in a wedding this summer! May the bride be as laid back as Alyssia was.
