I jumped on my red huffy dirt bike and stood on the pedals as I took off, back wheel skidding as it grabbed hold of the driveway. It was a boy’s bike, but I didn’t care. I tasted freedom whenever I got on that bike. As I drove down the driveway my feet pedaled as fast as they could. At eight years old I was finally old enough to go on The Big Road, as we called it, all by myself. Now, the world was my playground.
As I took a left onto The Big Road, I directed my bike onto one of the hard, compacted tracks left by passing cars. I hated when the grader erased those tracks as it left the gravel loose, making the task of pedaling nearly impossible for my skinny legs.
I didn’t have a destination in mind. Maybe I’d head over to my friend Cara’s house, about two miles away. Or maybe I’d stop at the Peterson’s place. Maybe I’d go exploring. The ditches were streaming with water, and I could hear the frogs croaking away. Where there were frogs, there would be tadpoles. Catching some might be fun.
I decided on Cara’s house. I’d get there before lunch and stay until late afternoon. I continued north for a mile, then took a right onto The Airport Road, an even bigger road than The Big Road. I’d have another mile to go before getting to Cara’s house. Along the way, I passed the School Forest. Ooo…The wild blueberries in the School Forest should be ready. I bet I could convince Cara to go pick some with me. Going into the School Forest by myself was too scary.
Mom never had to know where I was going. Not exactly, anyway, she knew I’d be home by supper. If it turned out I wanted to spend the night, I would call Mom and ask. I knew she would say, “yes” unless there was something we had to do, but there was rarely a time where we had to do anything – especially in the summer.
These were my days as a young child. I was free to roam, to explore, to discover, and to run wild. In my independence, I made bad decisions, had fun, got cuts and bruises, found myself in sticky situations (literally), rode horses (and fell off), and wiped icicles off my eyebrows after skating on the outdoor ice rink. What I remember is that I was supremely happy.
This unfettered childhood was, perhaps, the greatest gift my parents gave to me, and I consider it to be one of the best times of my life. Even so, I find myself parenting in a very different way.
Is that because it was a different time and place?
I grew up on a farm near Warroad, Minnesota, which is situated on beautiful Lake of the Woods, a few miles south of Canada. This part of our state is separated from the rest of the civilized world by bog, farmland, forests, and lakes.
Recently, I went back home and visited with old friends who happen to live adjacent to the woods I explored as a child. They have five children, and I asked if their kids had boundaries on their play? Surprisingly, even in this comparatively isolated part of the world, they limit their children to a certain area around the house. My friends are concerned for the physical safety of their children.
The World Is a Different Place
While I would agree the world feels less safe than 30 years ago, our children are faced with a busier and more complex world than ever before. On top of that, as parents, we’ve somehow managed to turn childhood into a competition. We keep score through unspoken judgments, criticisms, and sideway glances. To me, this is an even greater concern than any physical threat. Now, in order to give my children some sense of an unfettered childhood, I have to make choices that go against the modern parenting grain.
How I Give My Kids An Unfettered Childhood
I send my kids OUTSIDE, to explore and create their own adventures. Now, before you freak out, I allow my kids to roam within reason and in relative safety. The world may feel less safe, but I’m not convinced this is supported by statistics.
I give ample space for my kids to get bored. I see boredom as one of the first places where a child is forced to interact with themselves. Through boredom, they learn how to self-entertain, self-motivate, and self-inspire.
I limit my kid’s involvement in sports and extracurriculars. Kid’s sports seem to have a lot of pressure these days. Life will be full of pressures soon enough. I’ve seen my kids in action and I doubt any of them are going to aspire to become a professional athlete. I want to protect this time in my young children’s lives.
I limit screen time and designate device-free days. The worst sort of chain is that which keeps a child away from people, the outdoors and themselves.
I allow my kids to learn from their mistakes. Actions have consequences. Shielding my kids from negative consequences now won’t prepare them for the time when consequences will dramatically shape their life.
In their earliest years, I want my children to play. Free play develops really important life skills not learned through books. My kids’ first experience with classroom learning will be (and has been) in Kindergarten. That’s right, no preschool. My kids may not be able to read by kindergarten, but they’ll know how to be a good friend.
Like any parent, I want the best for my kids. For me, that means giving them the best part of my own unfettered childhood. And, if they should end up looking back on this time with fondness, then I’ll consider myself one lucky momma.
