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Rochester Local

When a Bad Day Turned Sweet

The other day I felt like my patience grew cold like the ground outside. I don’t want to go into too much detail but it was just one of those days when it felt like the kids were constantly fighting with each other or whining about something and there was just a complete lack of respect and zero desire to obey or do the right thing.

I was angry about it all and frustrated how it seemed my endless correction and refereeing seemed to fall on deaf ears. You’d think I would know this by now but in case you don’t know yet either let me tell you: you can discipline and correct and redirect all you want but if you do any of it in anger your parenting will not be effective. You’ll be so utterly drained by it that all you’ll want is for the kids to go to bed and hope that tomorrow is better.

Maybe it’s the cooped up winter blues, or the age category they’re in, the personality clashes among the siblings, or being overtired from a busy weekend. Maybe they’re just kids being kids, testing limits, figuring out how to fend for themselves and get along with others. This is normal. We should expect days like this. I don’t know why when we have such a bad day I am so surprised by it all because I shouldn’t be.

I was exhausted from being angry at them all day long. I didn’t have the energy to be mad anymore. So, I cried. I don’t like crying in front of my kids but I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I knew what I was doing wasn’t working. So, the real emotions hit.

Then I spoke to my kids on our way home while they were in the car. I didn’t just speak to them, I vented, I let it out, I let them see the real me, the emotion behind the parenting decisions, and told them the way their behavior made me feel. I told them how I wished they had made different choices. I told them how hard it is to be a mom and constantly bear the weight of wanting to do what’s best for them. Sometimes what is best for them they might not like. I told them how I wished they had cooperated a little more and did what they were supposed to do: obey, be kind, and how if they had done those things I would have been more at ease, happy, and that they would have been happier too. I told them how I was so tired of trying so hard to get them to do what I needed them to do. I was exhausted and I was sad I was angry and didn’t know what to do.

Then they were quiet. I wiped away a few tears and took a deep breath as I pulled into the garage. The kids let themselves out and 2 of them went inside quietly as I just sat there. Then, my oldest son came around to my door and I opened it to him and he said something. “I’m sorry mom. I should have come when you told me to.”

We hugged and then he went inside. I stayed in the garage to collect myself. I remember just feeling incredibly humbled and thankful that my sweet boy felt remorse and empathy. What a sweet gift that was.

Then, when I went inside I learned my 2 older kids were surprising me and making me little cards to tell me they loved me. My youngest one is still too little to really understand the turn of events but he was coloring happily alongside his siblings anyway.

So, a few minutes later my kids brought me these adorable drawings. They were drawings of me and them with hearts in between us and our names written on them. On one read, “I L my mom” because she can’t spell the word ‘love’ yet, and one of them had us holding hands. Even though our day was hard and I felt like such a mean mom this is still how they felt about me and I couldn’t have been more humbled. I just cried all the more. We hugged and cuddled. I kept thinking about how maybe I should have been more open with them sooner. That we could have had a heart to heart earlier and maybe the rest of our day would have looked better.

I share this personal story with you because I know none of us are perfect at this parenting thing. I know some days are good and some are really rough. We definitely have more good days than bad and I need to remember that. I’m grateful that my kids are learning empathy and they’re learning that having healthy relationships takes work and I learned something too. I learned that I should be more open with them more often, that it’s okay sometimes if they see me sad. Seeing me sad is probably better than seeing me angry. I learned that they love me in spite of my flaws. If we can remember these lessons I have hope that this journey will improve with time. Even with the hard days, it’s so worth it. They are worth it. Watching them grow, seeing them for the people they are and will be is such an honor and I don’t want to let a bad day make me forget that. I won’t let a bad day make me forget that they are worth it and that I love them no matter what.

card with heart

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