I feel — nay, I know I’m a more relaxed mom today than I was right after the birth of our first daughter, Gracelyn. I remember those early days. I am now able to put a name to it — post-partum anxiety — and it had me all sorts of wrung up. Well-meaning friends and family came over to help relieve the pressure of caring for a newborn and give me time to sleep, but the anxiety wouldn’t let me lest something terrible happen to this baby we had been waiting so long for.
When Gracelyn was still fresh, if we were out and about and the pacifier (I was trying to force on her even though she clearly didn’t want it) fell out of our hands, I had a packet of pacifier wipes ready to use on it after it had been diligently run under warm, preferably hot water.
Yes, I was that stringent.
Thankfully, I eased up a lot when our second daughter, Maeva was born. As we gained experience being parents and my hormones settled down, and with time and gentle affirmation from my husband Matt, I was able to come to a point where I could differentiate between things that were worth getting worked up about regarding our daughters, and things that weren’t.
Nevertheless, one thing I have not, nor will I ease up on (anytime soon) is our daughters’ sleep schedules.
Gracelyn was a sucky sleeper. The worst. She couldn’t fall asleep on her own until she was almost 13 months and she woke up multiple times during the night. Even today, some nights, she’ll walk into our room at 2:30 a.m. with the sweetest face ever saying “Mama, Dada, I just want to snuggle.” Coooome on. Who can say no to that? Maeva needed to be held or rocked to sleep for the first eight months of her life. Do I miss the snuggles? Yes. But it feels good to be able to sleep flat and sleep through the night these days.
Despite our daughters’ rebellion to sleep, my husband and I worked hard to get them to be decent sleepers, which is why I get easily irritated when things happen to disrupt their sleep. Fireworks at night, loud cars blasting their music as they drive by our house, and doorbells that set off barking dogs are some of the things I dislike the most.
These days as we’re in the throes and joys of toddler-hood and working to strengthen and reinforce our daughters’ sleeping schedules, we have no guilt — okay, like 10% guilt — in denying invitations for plans during nap time or bedtime.
Listen, I’m not trying to be rude. I just don’t want to deal with crabby babies who are throwing fits and tantrums because they didn’t get to sleep. It’s we, the parents, who will have to try to soothe them and reason with them, in public, no less, even though their brains are too young to understand that they will feel so much better once they sleep for a bit.
Several months ago, we ended up having to have a late lunch, right over nap time. Both girls were fine for the first 30 minutes of lunch while we waited at the restaurant. They ate well but started getting agitated, which turned into off the charts hyperactivity. Matt and I looked at each other, silently acknowledging that they were past the tired state and that the rest of the afternoon would go downhill once we left the restaurant. We were right.
When we finally left the restaurant at 3 p.m. Maeva fell asleep in the car and napped for 1 1/2 hours once we got home, which threw off her nighttime schedule. Gracelyn fought sleep until around 5 p.m. We agreed to let her nap for 30 minutes because she plainly refused to wake up. When we finally woke her in the hopes of salvaging some part of her nighttime routine, because she was exhausted, she cried hysterically for 45 minutes, refusing to be held or put down. It wasn’t pleasant for us, our guests, or for Gracelyn.
Needless to say, I’m a stickler for sleep schedules. Call me too rigid, say I need to loosen up, say I’m taking it too seriously — I’ve heard it all. But it will be me and not you dealing with a cranky toddler when she misses her nap. So for now, I’ll stick to my children’s sleep schedules, please and thank you.
